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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Weighty Matters

Currently life at my house is more than a little bit insane!  We seem to have very weighty matters on our minds. Yes, it seems everyone is on a DIET. My youngest daughter is getting married, so she's dieting (but at least she's not getting excessive). Her fiance just had bariatric surgery so he's eating very little (but he's not the one making me crazy!) No, it's my husband. His new name is "Mr. Calorie Counter."

I swear, he chews on his pen cap and asks me how many calories are in it! (Like I have any idea how many calories on in plastic pen caps! Unlike some people I don't EAT them!) Yes, he has gotten a new religion, and it is calorie counting.

Now I have nothing against counting your calories.  Sure, it's not my idea of a good time, but I have no problem with him dieting (or anyone else.) But PLEASE! When your whole conversation revolves around how many calories are in something you become really BORING! I don't even mind an occasional discussion of a new way to cook something that's low cal, I'm not unreasonable! And in fact have indulged in similar conversations myself.

But when every discussion starts with "Do you know how many calories are in that?" or "Can you believe they are out of Splenda!" That's when it's time for an intervention... you really need to get a LIFE. It all came to a head the other night when I heard him talking to Jane. 

Who is Jane? Well Jane is my mom's name, but he wasn't talking to her.  He was talking to our guinea pig who my daughter named Jane.  It seems according to my husband Jane's been eating too much Timothy Hay (OK she is a very fat guinea pig and could use a good exercise program!) and DOES SHE KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THAT!!!

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OK, I've had it! The guinea pig has NO idea how many calories are in timothy hay, and HE's the one who overfeeds her!

So no, I have no tolerance for people whose new religion is calorie counting--not when they're worse than the Jehovah's Witnesses who knock on my door trying to convert me to their religion.

If you are dieting and have any questions about how many calories are in something, ask Bill. If he eats it, he probably knows! And if he doesn't he'll keep asking someone until he finds out! Even if it's plastic pen caps or timothy hay! And it will be a relief for me not to have to listen to one more STUPID conversation about calories!

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